1
00:00:03,759 --> 00:00:07,099
So I post a neat Santa at the mall.

2
00:00:07,259 --> 00:00:11,400
You mean Santa the dude mom mentions to mom looking like me?

3
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:13,960
Yeah, peeps, we know the deal.

4
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,880
This ain't my first rodeo.

5
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,019
He knows when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake.

6
00:00:19,379 --> 00:00:21,280
First off, this guy has no life.

7
00:00:21,420 --> 00:00:23,820
And, um, that's really creepy.

8
00:00:24,219 --> 00:00:26,559
Better not show, better not cry.

9
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,719
This guy's standards way too high.

10
00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:33,479
Oh, and who do I trust to buy me the latest toys?

11
00:00:33,759 --> 00:00:37,039
An old man, living in the North Pole.

12
00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:38,039
Right.

13
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,679
Let's point out the loving skies.

14
00:00:40,679 --> 00:00:42,820
He breaks into your house at night.

15
00:00:42,820 --> 00:00:47,340
I think it'd be safer if your parents just drew the stockings.

16
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:50,880
Speaking of stockings, can you just run Christmas?

17
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,640
Like, like, it's a birthday party.

18
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,719
What's even the deal with Santa Claus?

19
00:00:57,719 --> 00:01:04,409
Santa, if you're watching.

20
00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:05,409
So I decided.

21
00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:06,569
I'm gonna be Santa.

22
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,510
Let's be honest, kids.

23
00:01:08,609 --> 00:01:10,150
He needed an upgrade.

24
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:13,709
As the new boss, I'll be modernizing Christmas.

25
00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:15,049
Step one.

26
00:01:15,329 --> 00:01:16,790
What's with the Santa letters?

27
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:21,730
Like writing on physical paper?

28
00:01:22,209 --> 00:01:23,709
Guys, no.

29
00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:26,189
DM me your Christmas list.

30
00:01:26,430 --> 00:01:29,090
I don't got time for freaking paper.

31
00:01:29,370 --> 00:01:31,590
And okay, the sleigh.

32
00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:34,689
First off, the reindeer have no voice.

33
00:01:34,689 --> 00:01:38,689
It's supposed to finesse the world in one night.

34
00:01:38,689 --> 00:01:40,689
I have a bedtime.

35
00:01:40,689 --> 00:01:41,689
Hello!

36
00:01:41,689 --> 00:01:44,689
Drones are the future, people!

37
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,689
I'll have those babies flying around the world.

38
00:01:47,689 --> 00:01:49,689
Tapping presents like...

39
00:01:49,689 --> 00:01:52,689
Christmas will be efficient and productive.

40
00:01:52,689 --> 00:01:55,689
Forget leaving Santa's cookies.

41
00:01:55,689 --> 00:01:58,689
They throw salt batteries for the drones.

42
00:01:58,689 --> 00:02:03,689
Anna is not even nice to help with the simple internet shirts.

43
00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:18,689
And come on, elves are out, robots are in, elves have a toy factory, robots doing all the work with the help of dinosaur batteries, and it won't be in a new school, more like Malibu.

44
00:02:19,689 --> 00:02:21,689
Mia, how am I going to pay for this?

45
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:24,689
When I launch my Kickstarter!

46
00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:27,689
Side note, what happened to your face?

47
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,050
You did my makeup.